Maybe you’re having one of those years. (Maybe you’ve been having one of those years for a lot of years now.) You know, a year where you’d rather just skip Christmas. Not in a “Christmas with the Cranks” or “Ebeneezer Scrooge” kind of way. You’ve got nothing against Christmas, you just don’t feel like celebrating.
Anything.
The holidays are a stark reminder of what you don’t have. Maybe you’ve lost a child, a spouse, a parent. And Christmas just brings fresh pain because of who’s not there. Maybe your marriage is in a bad place. Maybe it’s been there for a while. And seeing other “happy” couples just reminds you of everything your marriage is not. Or maybe depression or anxiety has descended on you like a black squid, it’s oppressive tentacles wrapping around your brain, driving you to reclusion. The last thing you want is be around people.
Celebrating.
I know your pain. I’ve been there. Many times. I can remember several Christmases with family when I was so sad, I just laid on the floor and closed my eyes. I could hear everything going on around me, I just didn’t feel like participating. And if people assume you’re napping, they generally won’t bother you. (Unless they’re under the age of 10, then pretty much anything goes.)
In those years, I just wanted to “get through” Christmas.
So here’s 3 things God’s taught me to remember when Christmas isn’t merry.
You’re not alone. Depression, sorrow, discouragement are powerful emotions that make us feel quite alone. But the reality is this: God is with you. This of course is the miracle of Christmas. That God chose to come to earth in weakness and poverty. To be with us. And his final words before going home were this, “I am with you always, even to the end of the age.” Even when I don’t feel His presence, He’s with me. He’s close to me.
I remember a time a few months ago when I was struggling with severe depression and I didn’t feel “close” to God at all. I didn’t feel like doing anything remotely spiritual. No Bible reading or prayers other than, “God help me.” It seemed like God was distant. And at a certain level, I felt like it was my fault. You know, I ought to be doing more. And in that season, God spoke something to me I hope I never forget. “I am close to you. And you are close to me. No matter what you feel, no matter what you do, I’m with you. I’m close to you.” God’s presence and proximity to me are not dependent on my performance, but on His promise.
You’re not alone. God has put people in your life for a reason. And one of those reasons is to be a comfort to you. It might be family. It might be a friend. It might be a group at your church. But you’re not alone. So let yourself be loved by those people. Let others comfort you. Let others see you cry. Don’t be ashamed of your pain. Don’t feel like you’re being a burden to them. Just be real. And let God bring comfort to you through the love of others.
You’re not alone. Others are suffering grief and loss this time of year too. So instead of thinking of Christmas as a time where you’re supposed to celebrating with others, look for someone else who’s struggling. And be with them. Cry with them. Look them in the eye and tell them you know how they feel. And it’s okay to be sad at Christmas. Scripture says, “To celebrate with those who are celebrating, and to mourn with those who mourn.”
That includes Christmas.
On Saturday, December 22nd at 5:00 PM, I’ll be teaching at a special worship experience for those who are hurting this time of year called Blue Christmas. It’s a service of comfort and hope for those who aren’t feeling so merry this time of year. It’s sponsored by “The Landing” and meets on the 2nd floor of the Lincoln Mill, 1300 Merdian Street N, Huntsville, AL 35801. You can get more details here.
I hope you’ll join me as we seek comfort together.
Thanks for posting this Bruce. I love it!
But, knowing intellectually that God is with you is much different than believing with your heart that God is close, or that He is for us. How do you reconcile the two?
That’s a great question Chris. Here’s my experience with that. Our feelings often dictate what we believe is true. But beautifully, what is true, IS true, whether I feel it or not, whether I believe it or not. So I cling to this promise from Romans 8:31-39,
“If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all — how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things? Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies. Who is he that condemns? Not Christ Jesus, who died — more than that, who was raised to life — and is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us. Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”
I have been wondering the same thing for several years. I really need to understand this to be able to move be forward.